


A dream aloud

by youarebymyside



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Gen, Harry Potter Dies, Harry gets what he always wanted the most though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youarebymyside/pseuds/youarebymyside
Summary: Remus can't hold Harry back any longer. Remus' hands are wet and slippery, his grip weakens with every second. He tries to catch Harry by the sleeve of his hoodie, but Harry easily squirms his way out and shakes Remus' hands off.aka"It was unbearable... there was a terrible hollow inside him he did not want to feel or examine, a dark hole where Sirius had been, where Sirius had vanished. <...> Sirius did not reapper." Neither did Harry.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	A dream aloud

Songs of desperation, I played them for you.   
Oh, reckless abandon like no one's watching you.

**the temper trap — sweet disposition**

"Sirius!" 

Remus can't hold Harry back any longer. Remus' hands are wet and slippery, his grip weakens with every second. He tries to catch Harry by the sleeve of his hoodie, but Harry easily squirms his way out and shakes Remus' hands off. 

"Harry, no!" 

He hears Hermione's voice before an endless silence licks his sweaty skin, it is quite chilly in here. This place somehow reminds him of the Veil when he saw it for the first time, but he can't put the finger on why. He doesn't have the time to think, he doesn't need to. All he needs is… 

"Sirius!" he calls out. 

He finds Sirius almost immediately, there are very few people in here. Sirius' jacket and his long straight hair, he looks around, looking lost. Harry calls out for him again, _he's here,_ he didn't go anywhere. Sirius turns around and Harry runs to him as fast as he can. He is ready to jump and bounce, he feels like the happiest person alive. 

"Harry?" 

Harry throws his arms around Sirius' shoulders. Their bodies collide so hard, Harry can feel it through his entire body like a wave. Sirius doesn't embrace him back, he stands stock-still, tense shoulders, yet so obedient himself. Harry is smiling, he still doesn't get it. Sirius is here, _in his arms. Didn't die._

"What have you done?" __Sirius' voice is low and tired. No point to scream now, he already knows. __

He pulls Harry away from him, looks him in the eyes, asks again. "What have you _done?"_

Sirius looks so heartbroken that it makes Harry uncomfortable. "What are you talking about?" he asks confusedly.

"When Bellatrix hit me, what did you do?"

"I ran after you, of course," his answer is the most genuine as it could ever be. 

"Of course," Sirius mutters after him. As if this was the only logical thing to do. Harry doesn't like the way Sirius' expression changes, but he brushes it off. 

"What? _What?_ Hermione asked me not to do it and for some reason Remus tried to stop me, but now I'm here, with you. We can go back now." 

Harry is shining and it reminds Sirius of Lily's letter after Harry's first birthday. Laughing one year old, zooming along on a toy broomstick. What will Lily and James do to him now, after he failed to protect Harry?

"I'm so glad you're alright," Harry adds delightedly and it hurts Sirius even more. He knows he has to break it to Harry, yet there is no easy way to do this. As if feeling Sirius' hesitation, Harry says more irritably than alarmed. "Sirius, we don't have much time. We have to help the others. Why are you looking at me like that?" __

"Harry, she's _got_ me," Sirius is still a little hesitant to name it, he is trying to help Harry to get there on his own terms. The pain is bad enough as it is.

"What? No. She tried but— I saw how the spell hit you but—"

"Harry, we're _dead_. Remus tried to stop you so you wouldn't die, too. Do you understand?"

"What? No, I…" 

Harry looks around: he doesn't know any of these people, he has never been in this place, he is not even sure it _exists._

"I… You looked so surprised. And then you froze, and I..." 

Sirius nods, still keeping eye contact. Harry has to realise.

"And Remus told me that you're gone, but I didn't believe it and—"

"Remus tried to stop you so you wouldn't follow me. Do you understand? Do you understand what you did?"

"I… jumped after you?"

"Harry."

"I ran after you, and Hermione screamed…. Sirius?" Sirius sees a glimpse of panic in Harry's happy eyes now. "I… followed you?" 

Sirius doesn't rush him, Harry is only _fifteen._

"I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to lose you," the painful look on Harry's face, he feels that his throat starts to burn. He might as well cry now, but the tears are just not there. He doesn't _want_ to cry, the adrenaline and the triumph still flowing through him.

"I know," Sirius wants to support him, it should not have happened. Harry had his whole life ahead of him.

It is Harry's turn to be obedient as Sirius finally embraces him in a comforting hug. Harry's body, his feelings are going numb in shock.

"Sirius, am I… really dead?" Harry says into his shoulder.

"Yes," a hot breath that even barely feels warm. "And you can't go back."

"But Remus? Ron and Hermione? Luna? The Order? What is going to happen to them? Sirius, we need to help them. We _have_ to help them." Harry can't feel how badly he is shaking, this stubborn caring kid. Sirius can, though.

"We can't go back," Sirius repeats. "It's an eternity as ghosts with no purpose or escape. We can't, Harry, _we can't."_

_"What have I done?"_

"It's going to be okay," Sirius lies to him. Harry was their best — if not only one — hope to beat Voldemort, and now? Sirius can't even think of a world where Remus will have to exist without anyone. There are Molly, and Tonks, and Bill, and Arthur, even Dumbledore, sure. Still, Sirius is not sure that his best friend can survive yet another war, not like that, not anymore. 

"Am I going to see mom?" the question is so sudden, it brings Sirius back to Harry.

"Yes."

Harry gives a look to where the Veil is supposed to be, but there is nothing there. Sirius puts a hand on Harry's shoulder and turns him around. 

"Come on, we have to go."

We really do, a voice says inside Harry's head. He nods in agreement and lets Sirius lead the way.

The next thing he knows is a familiar warm voice. "Oh honey, you fought so hard."

At the sight of his mom, Harry forgets about the Order, Death Eaters, Ron and Hermione. He forgets about everything, even Sirius for a moment. He throws himself at Lily the way he did with Sirius ten minutes ago.

Lily hugs him tightly, a sad smile that only Sirius can see. Unaware of it, Harry could not be bothered anymore. He feels no pain nor regret, only acceptance. He feels his dad's hand on his back and for a moment it seems like Sirius was right after all.

It seems like everything is going to be alright. 

So stay there 'cause I'll be coming over,   
And while our blood's still young,   
**It's so young, it runs.  
** Won't stop 'til it's over,   
Won't stop to surrender.   
  
**the temper trap — sweet disposition**

**May 18, 2020**

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This was a draft in Russian I created back in September'18. Recently reread it & it still hit me, so I translated it & edited it. The love between these two is my favourite thing ever, I'll always love them. I have another (happy) vision for this moment, but I had to finish this one first.
> 
> If you see this as platonic, great. If you see this as a romance, go ahead. I'm not judgy.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed either way. Comments and kudos are highly appreciated. x


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